"Imagine having a birthday song sung for you that celebrated the joy of being, held no old associations and was energetically clear of old birthday consciousness."
Yes, imagine that. But whatever new-age melody you might have concocted using that fruity description, Chris James' "Joy-Full Birthday" will manage to surpass its shittiness. It's like the intro to "Sixteen Candles," as performed by the moaning zombies of long-dead doo-wop singers and the ghost of Color Me Badd's career. (Historical note: "Sixteen Candles" performers The Crests sold the trademark to their name to this greasy hair avalanche.)
Chris James boasts a wide array of vocal torture implements: If you click on his picture, he'll emit some sort of pan flute/dial tone noise for 15 excruciating seconds. This "esoteric healer" bases his workshops on the dubious, self-disproved premise "Everyone is born with a beautiful voice." In this case, telling people what they want to hear results in music no one wants to hear.
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.