The domain name clownmagicnyc promises terribleness, but the site delivers far more crap than expected or explicable. The home page details how you can rent Lady Liberty and Uncle Sam (on or off stilts) for whatever reason, but the real fun begins when users click on the "online brochure" and descend immediately into clown hell.
During your hours of downward scrolling, you'll encounter such horrifying characters as The Laughing Clown; Disco Barbie; Zula, Goddess of Virility; Lady of the Rainbow; Crucified Cat; and Disembodied Heart GIF. Choose from multiple "Brittany" Spears impersonators, order a Dwarf strip-o-gram (male only), or request the services of Seleka, the Toyota-sized belly dancer. These dense, ugly pages contain everything necessary to make your dreams come true, assuming that you suffer from nightmares that sap your will to live with each passing night of tortured sleep.
Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.
The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'
This ain't your daddy's globe...! .... or is it?!
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.