The domain name clownmagicnyc promises terribleness, but the site delivers far more crap than expected or explicable. The home page details how you can rent Lady Liberty and Uncle Sam (on or off stilts) for whatever reason, but the real fun begins when users click on the "online brochure" and descend immediately into clown hell.
During your hours of downward scrolling, you'll encounter such horrifying characters as The Laughing Clown; Disco Barbie; Zula, Goddess of Virility; Lady of the Rainbow; Crucified Cat; and Disembodied Heart GIF. Choose from multiple "Brittany" Spears impersonators, order a Dwarf strip-o-gram (male only), or request the services of Seleka, the Toyota-sized belly dancer. These dense, ugly pages contain everything necessary to make your dreams come true, assuming that you suffer from nightmares that sap your will to live with each passing night of tortured sleep.
Sorry about the blurry photo. I was lunging at my phone, yelling at it to take a clear picture. It's the only image of me that exists. I'd take another picture for you, but I'm in the middle of a rigorous trampoline session.
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