FATHOTGIRL (Thanks Abraham) - YouTube has proven itself an invaluable addition to the Internet. Whenever I want to see a trailer or a music video or whatever, it never fails me. Best of all, whenever I want to see a video showcasing the hideous decline of human civilization, YouTube has me covered.
One of YouTube's best functions is its ability to let shut-ins and weirdoes document their lives. Livejournal was bad enough, but it was mostly sterile and words cannot hurt us in the same way moving images can. With YouTube you actually see these terrifying people speaking. You see them speaking and eating and picking their noses and staring at you all cross-eyed and crazy like a truck stop hitchhiker or an annoying fat girl who is either really Southern or suffering from fetal alcohol syndrome. You see horrors like YouTube user "FATHOTGIRL."
The first thing you will note is that she is indeed FAT. The second thing you will notice is that she is, under all that fat, female in nature. At no point will you notice anything resembling "hotness," and that is largely because she is large. Not Rubenesque or curvy, just plain fat. And damn proud of it. BURP.
Just view this video entitled "ME EATING AND TALKING ABOUT IT." The picture montage is quite hilarious.
"Oh, but maybe it's a glandular problem," you say to me defiantly. You're probably right, and all those videos of her eating donuts are just chocolate-coated red herrings deep-fried in the grease of society's obsession with unrealistic beauty standards. Touché, I say to you. Touché.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.