If you're like me then you have spent the past ten or so Sundays wondering why you are watching HBO's True Blood. The vampire dramedy is the latest mile marker on HBO's long highway to ruin, leaping directly past "ensemble hospital drama" and straight to Forever Knight territory.
Set in a world where vampires live in the open and drink synthetic blood from Japan, True Blood tells the story of psychic waitress Sookie Stackhouse and her vampire sometimes-boyfriend Bill.
There are a lot of reasons to hate the show, not the least of which is the relationship between Sookie and Bill. Their romance is overwrought and always on the brink of complete collapse. Which I guess makes sense if you're a psychic waitress dating a vampire.
The key to their relationship is simple: Bill says Sookie's name. A lot. And he pronounces it differently almost every time.
To celebrate their inconsistent love, I have created a tribute to SOOKIE!
May BILL AM VAMPIRE and SOOKIE love forever like two trees in love. Forever!
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
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