The Freedom Tray has been out for a while, and I trust most of you already fulfilled your patriotic duty by purchasing one or more. You're spending your 4th of July with grilled meats, fireworks and domestic beer, all spread out together in front of you on the Freedom Tray's red-white-and-blue surface! It's like eating off a flag, without having to wonder "Does it count as desecration if I spill some of my potato salad?" Anyway, for you hippies who don't already own one of these for every room of the house (the bathroom one can simultaneously hold toilet paper, magazines, candles and snacks!), this is a "revolutionary food and beverage tray." The site's animation makes it look like an air hockey table, until the super-sized fast food containers plop into place, revealing its true purpose.
There is one question to ask about every person, animal and object you encounter on July 4: Is this person/animal/object patriotic? The makers of the Freedom Tray are asked this year-round, so much so that "Is this a patriotic tray?" appears in the FAQ section. Of course, it should go without saying that the Freedom Tray qualifies. In fact, (talking only to Freedom Tray-owning Americans here), your newfound ability to carry around copious amounts of food and drink without spilling them serves as a glorious metaphor for the liberties your country provides!
Do you remember the crazy clothes and hair of the 1990s? Do you remember Crystal Pepsi and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Do you remember where you hid the box your mother gave you?
The singer dove off the stage and crowd surfed in a sort of reverse funeral procession where the person being carried is the only one truly alive. Touching him I felt religious ecstasy and started speaking in tongues and requesting songs that didn't exist.
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Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.