You never know what Internet spirits you'll conjure with a Google Image Search for "ancient Chinese soldiers." The 36 Strategems sub-page takes its name from a list of "ancient Chinese military tactics," but site mastermind Ivan illustrates these maxims not with China-related artwork, but instead with a dazzling array of haunted-house GIFs.

Plunge into a fire to pull off a robbery.


Cross the path in the dark.


Hide a sword in a smile.


Amazingly, 36 Strategems has much more to offer than incongruously animated Chinese combative gambits. The sidebar sub-pages range from "Why do Mr. Nice Guy always finish last?" to "Detecting a lie ... and jokes about modern day bitches," from "How to solve life problems" to "DEALING WITH STRESS." The only common link between Nocturnal Ivan's various areas of expertise is the use of ridiculous unrelated GIFS to accompany every bullet point.

(Illustration for the blurb "Mr. Misogyny")


("Make friends with Godly people")


("The Buddhist way of obeserving problems")

– Andrew "Garbage Day" Miller

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.