Yesterday, I was working on some writing stuff in Borders and found myself sitting two tables away from a crazy old man. He wasn't the type of crazy old man that shouts about aliens. He was the type of crazy old man that sits in Borders all day writing ten page letters to the editor about aliens in between offering people copies of his free book on how the Masons are run by the gays.

While I was there, he explained the following stuff to anyone listening, in the same mild tone of voice you might use to explain which flavor of ice cream you like best. I promise that I am not making this up nor even exaggerating for comedic effect. These are straight from his mouth to your screen:

  • The Hispanic race is 70% illiterate.
  • Koreans are naturally crafty.
  • Jews and Koreans never drop out of high school, while 90% of blacks and Hispanics, upon hearing the word "high school", will shoot you and take all of your money while screeching gibberish.
  • Islam is taking America over from within.
  • Also the Jews? Maybe?
  • Mexico is stealing all of our jobs.
  • But it doesn't really matter, because all jobs are going to be taken over by an army of "Robosapians" (swear to God) from Japan.
  • Ok, the Jews are definitely up to something. Not clear what though.
  • Other countries own all of America's money. But if you have a savings account, you're ok, because they don't own those.
  • Homeless people may well be sleeper Nazi CIA agents hiding right under our noses.
  • Spain had the right idea with the Inquisition, because it temporarily defeated the evil Jew-Muslim alliance.
  • Literacy rates are a good indicator of how physically evolved the citizens of different countries are.
  • It's impossible to have a democracy with black and Hispanics around, because they are barely sentient animals and also because the constitution probably doesn't allow it or something.

I think we could all learn something from this crazy old man's ideas. Except the Hispanics (they're a little slow, apparently).

– Joseph "Maxnmona" Fink

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