From: ANDREW KRUMP
To: DARYL "FUCKING" HALL @ Something Awful
I sincerely want to agree you, and I cannot understand where The Spearhead mainstream contributors encourage the mainstream disenfranchisement of women. How does highlighting the mistreatment men face - for example, discrimination by the police (it can't be mere coincidence 9/10 of the incarcerated are men - are men really that evil just for their sex?), the expectation to provide for a family financially, their increased likelihood to be victimized by malicious individuals (perhaps I'm mistaken, but the last time I checked the statistics men were more likely, not less, to be victims of violent crime), their shorter life expectancies - equate to a desire to discriminate against women?
I would love to share your determination and clarity, which is difficult while I am plagued by these doubts. If you have the time, could you please help me reach some resolution so I too can share your resolve?
From: DARYL HALL
To: ANDREW KRUMP
Dear ANDREW KRUMP,
Thank you for signing up for our automated electronic mail service! With your subscription, you will now receive daily updates with information about products and services of interest to you, personally, as a consumer! Our system is simple and easy-to-use. You will receive an e-mail with exciting offers from around the net. Simply click on the links provided, and if you purchase any of the items, we will be credited as referrer. The best part? As you buy, you earn AwfulBucks (TM)! When you've earned enough AwfulBucks, you'll be able to cash them in for SUPER SAVINGS!
Here are some items our system thinks would be just perfect for you,
Terry McMillan's Waiting to Exhale was more than just a bestselling novel - its publication was a watershed moment in literary history. McMillan's sassy and vibrant story about four African American women struggling to find love and their place in the world touched a cultural nerve, inspired a blockbuster film, and generated a devoted audience.
Now, McMillan revisits Savannah, Gloria, Bernadine, and Robin fifteen years later. Each is at her own midlife crossroads: Savannah has awakened to the fact that she's made too many concessions in her marriage, and decides to face life single again -- at fifty-one. Bernadine has watched her megadivorce settlement dwindle, been swindled by her husband number two, and conned herself into thinking that a few pills will help distract her from her pain. Robin has an all-American case of shopaholism, while the big dream of her life -- to wear a wedding dress -- has gone unrealized. And for years, Gloria has taken happiness and security for granted. But being at the wrong place at the wrong time can change everything. All four are learning to heal past hurts and to reclaim their joy and their dreams; but they return to us full of spirit, sass, and faith in one another. They've exhaled: now they are learning to breathe.
Mrow! Unleash your inner dominatrix with this kinky and fun whip set endorsed by adult film star Bree Olson! Show him who's in charge with the 16-inch leatherette whip, the handy wrist cord keeps you in command! Satin-lined blindfold stays in place to heighten sensitivity as other senses take over! Now you can be the boss in the bedroom!
SEPTEMBER SPECIAL: Who says girls can't rock, too? The Rock Camp for Girls says they CAN! Begun in 2002, the RCFGAA has been teaching girls to rock out WITHOUT anything out for almost a decade! It's grown every year, producing more and more songs that empower women in the testosterone-drenched world of hard rock, which has long been devoid of female voices! A sure favorite for riot grrrls and guys alike!
ANDREW KRUMP, that's just a hint of the great service you'll receive as a part of this system. We look forward to showing you more great products and helping you earn more and more AwfulBucks (TM)!
AwfulBucks Asset Management, LLC
NOTE: If you believe you've received this e-mail in error, or would like to receive more frequent updates, please respond to this e-mail with the subject line ACCOUNT MANAGEMENT and a description of the adjustments you'd like performed.
REFORMED HOG - Former member of the swine family, has now agreed to behave like a proper dog. Free to patient home willing to overlook physical defects. 555-2519
What do you do when The Dark Knight himself pulls a boner?
Available in Large, which is actually a Medium stretched out to appear bigger.
If you're in a tight spot, this is going to be really helpful (I'M JOKING. I'M KIDDING AROUND)
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.