At this point, it's time to put up or shut up. Phil can insult me. Heck, he can even insult all drummers everywhere, but BY GOD he will NOT insult my Irish roots that I proudly don't give two tugs of my Irish dick about. I hastily record a drum solo - specifically HIS drum solo - and fire it off to him. FOR IRELAND. Surely the BEST DRUMMER IN THE WORLD will recognize his own fucking playing and call me on my bullshit, right?
Hahaha, yeah right. Phil responds as predictably as death and taxes.
I make like Ashton Kutcher and inform Phil that he just got BRAINDEAD PUNK'D.
For those keeping track, we just went from 0 to Mob-Related Death Threats in 50 minutes.
PLAYER 1 NEW HIGH SCORE
ENTER INITIALS >C U M
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
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