"If you're someone who complains about VIDEO GAMES THESE DAYS and how they aren't like they used to be, where 'like they used to be' means some combination of open-ended, difficult, strategic, lots of interesting mechanics, and variable playstyles possible, you owe it to yourself to pick up the new X-Com game!" That's what Jesse "kingcobweb" Mason has to say about that; follow him on Twitter for gaming cheats and codes! Anyway, it turns out some people actually want VIDEO GAMES THESE DAYS to be worse than they already are, not to mention tormenting nostalgic gamers by grafting terrible modern 'innovations' onto classics. Experto Crede came up with this rude concept, and the SA Goons ruined everything like the ruiners they are. Enjoy! 
Bog Chef
Everdraed
Stottie Kyek
Tramii
This Week on Something Awful...
A Cowboy's Wild West Guide to Modern Gunfighting
Out here in the Wild West we got some rules for gunfightin', like a pregnant lady ain't gotta be carryin' iron for you to draw on her first.
10 Startling Differences Between "Standard" and "Premium" Editions of The Sims 4
The difference Sims 4 players will face if they're not willing to pay for a monthly subscription.
The Bendyman Adventure!
We're gonna need to declare the entire Internet a crime scene.
Who is John Galt?
You've been wondering. Now you can finally get the answers about John Galt.
About This Column
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.
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