Wow, can you imagine Wolverine playing a Nintendo Wii? Of course not, Wolverine is a fictional character and nobody still plays the Wii.
Finally, Yoda this balloon is. Feel free to read this caption aloud in the terrible Yoda accent that a lot of people think they can do, but end up sounding like a retarded Miss Piggy.
I'm sticking a pin into this article, and letting it float around the room while making a sound not unlike a long, drawn-out fart. That's all for this week, but big thanks go to TwystNeko for showcasing a wonderful talent, and small thanks to the rest of the forum goons who showed encouragement and offered a whole host of weird and wonderful ideas. Check out some more balloons in the original thread, right here. Next week's Goldmine will not be so inoffensive, and showing the contents of the article to your children will scar them, and possibly yourself, for life. Have a productive week and join me again next Tuesday!
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.