Serialized literary fiction is back on the front-page menu, as forums poster a star wars betamax concludes his riveting tale about birds and betrayal! Please check out Part 1 if you haven't already!
Thanks to my impeccable internal clock, when I eventually awoke, I knew that precisely four to eight hours had elapsed. My head was swathed in bandages, and my skull pounded with each painful pulse. I felt around myself and found that I was laying in a very comfortable bed, wrapped in warm, soft sheets.
"Oh, you're awake" said a female voice from somewhere to my left. "You got a pretty nasty bump there Mr ... uh..."
I could detect the faint rustling of papers
"I'll be right back" She said, and I could hear her footsteps leaving the room.
"Dr....Pepper..." I tried to say. But my jaw was wired shut.
Laying in a hospital bed, face mangled and bandaged, half-blind, most men would become preoccupied with their fate, worried about their condition. I, however, am of a sounder mind. Instead, I spent my time mentally packing and unpacking my perfect collection of GI Joe figures and memorabilia.
I started my GI Joe collection when I was only five years old. Little did I know how my collection would grow! What began as, frankly, a dismally small set (thirty-five figures and three vehicles) soon grew into a veritable army.
I would have to check my spreadsheet to be certain, but my collection now reaches into the thousands. It is the thing I have accomplished with my life that I am probably the most proud of.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.