Serialized literary fiction is back on the front-page menu, as forums poster a star wars betamax concludes his riveting tale about birds and betrayal! Please check out Part 1 if you haven't already!
Thanks to my impeccable internal clock, when I eventually awoke, I knew that precisely four to eight hours had elapsed. My head was swathed in bandages, and my skull pounded with each painful pulse. I felt around myself and found that I was laying in a very comfortable bed, wrapped in warm, soft sheets.
"Oh, you're awake" said a female voice from somewhere to my left. "You got a pretty nasty bump there Mr ... uh..."
I could detect the faint rustling of papers
"I'll be right back" She said, and I could hear her footsteps leaving the room.
"Dr....Pepper..." I tried to say. But my jaw was wired shut.
Laying in a hospital bed, face mangled and bandaged, half-blind, most men would become preoccupied with their fate, worried about their condition. I, however, am of a sounder mind. Instead, I spent my time mentally packing and unpacking my perfect collection of GI Joe figures and memorabilia.
I started my GI Joe collection when I was only five years old. Little did I know how my collection would grow! What began as, frankly, a dismally small set (thirty-five figures and three vehicles) soon grew into a veritable army.
I would have to check my spreadsheet to be certain, but my collection now reaches into the thousands. It is the thing I have accomplished with my life that I am probably the most proud of.
Now with the sun and the warmth and the generally pleasant atmosphere, you can no longer blame the weather for why you've spent the last sixteen hours sitting inside. You'll need to stay on your toes if you want to stay in your chair.
This tuna ain't working, bro, and this gross hot dog needs a one way trip to go live on your uncle's Flavor Farm.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.