Serialized literary fiction is back on the front-page menu, as forums poster a star wars betamax concludes his riveting tale about birds and betrayal! Please check out Part 1 if you haven't already!

Thanks to my impeccable internal clock, when I eventually awoke, I knew that precisely four to eight hours had elapsed. My head was swathed in bandages, and my skull pounded with each painful pulse. I felt around myself and found that I was laying in a very comfortable bed, wrapped in warm, soft sheets.

"Oh, you're awake" said a female voice from somewhere to my left. "You got a pretty nasty bump there Mr ... uh..."

I could detect the faint rustling of papers

"I'll be right back" She said, and I could hear her footsteps leaving the room.

"Dr....Pepper..." I tried to say. But my jaw was wired shut.

Laying in a hospital bed, face mangled and bandaged, half-blind, most men would become preoccupied with their fate, worried about their condition. I, however, am of a sounder mind. Instead, I spent my time mentally packing and unpacking my perfect collection of GI Joe figures and memorabilia.

I started my GI Joe collection when I was only five years old. Little did I know how my collection would grow! What began as, frankly, a dismally small set (thirty-five figures and three vehicles) soon grew into a veritable army.

I would have to check my spreadsheet to be certain, but my collection now reaches into the thousands. It is the thing I have accomplished with my life that I am probably the most proud of.

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2018 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.