Buzkashi posted:

Make an attempt at human nonchalance. We reccommend pursing your lips and forcing air between them, as the resulting sound will cause humans to ignore your actions.


I am unable to keep up this sound for very long.

Higgy posted:

To avoid human contact, search lower human armor for rectangular object known to the humans as iPod. Put strange buds into your ear and activate it. Doing so will effectively render you invisble to other humans, that or it allows you to ignore them. We know not which.

"iPod" not found.

contestant posted:

Escape down the street and sing a jaunty Xxanthian tune. QUIETLY.

Xxanthians, Xxanthians, Xxanthians are we.
We'll crush your world, it will cease to be!

SquirrelPrincess posted:

Is that another Xxanthian? You won't know if you don't ask!

The human does not respond to my question. It asks for "spare change".

Hanky posted:

Bring the body of the other human, as a gift to this human. Surely this gift will flatter him, and he will become your guide through this foreign world.

The human seems pleased.

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

About This Column

The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2018 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.