Buzkashi posted:

Make an attempt at human nonchalance. We reccommend pursing your lips and forcing air between them, as the resulting sound will cause humans to ignore your actions.

TWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeee eeeeeeeeeeee...

I am unable to keep up this sound for very long.


Higgy posted:

To avoid human contact, search lower human armor for rectangular object known to the humans as iPod. Put strange buds into your ear and activate it. Doing so will effectively render you invisble to other humans, that or it allows you to ignore them. We know not which.

"iPod" not found.


contestant posted:

Escape down the street and sing a jaunty Xxanthian tune. QUIETLY.

Xxanthians, Xxanthians, Xxanthians are we.
We'll crush your world, it will cease to be!


SquirrelPrincess posted:

Is that another Xxanthian? You won't know if you don't ask!

The human does not respond to my question. It asks for "spare change".


Hanky posted:

Bring the body of the other human, as a gift to this human. Surely this gift will flatter him, and he will become your guide through this foreign world.

The human seems pleased.

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • GLUT OF DOGS

    GLUT OF DOGS

    TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851

  • THE PERFECT HUMAN FORM

    THE PERFECT HUMAN FORM

    Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.

Copyright ©2016 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.