Spiffarino posted:

Tell him, "Take me to Microsoft and this will be yours to keep."

The human claims Microsoft is "downtown". It comments on my lack of "shoes" and offers his foot armor to me.

It also claims the other human posesses a "nice ass". "Nice ass" noted as human compliment.


ConfusedUs posted:

Go down the stairs

It appears I have entered a subterranean lair.


Funky HotDog posted:

Ask the gray-haired creature if he wishes to establish a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Offer him some pamphlets.

The human says it is "not interested".


black sheep posted:

His hat is his source of power. You must take it for further analysis. If you don't, he will defeat you.

It demands the return of its hat.


Nakor posted:

You should settle the dispute like honorable men. Challenge the human to a duel.

Reporting extreme pain in ocular organs.

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Lair Flair!

    Lair Flair!

    Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!

  • SkyMall Product Review: Bark Deterring Ultrasonic Collar

    SkyMall Product Review: Bark Deterring Ultrasonic Collar

    Works great on my child, who hasn't barked at all for as long as she's worn the apparatus. When she turns three, we will remove it for a trial period.

About This Column

The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.