A couple of weeks ago Zack and Steve reviewed an obscure Rifts source book that included a random table for rolling up Japanese "Oni" demons for the Rifts setting. Rolling up five-armed rat-faced Japanese devil monsters all day long is pretty fun, but a real monster needs a portrait. Zack and Steve turned to the Something Awful Forums to fill out the 2009 edition of their Monster Manual. Fabulous prizes were offered, including a 5XL Rifts t-shirt, copies of Zack's books, and an Amazon Gift Card. Find out who will Vallejo the shit out of this thing and walk away the winner of the 2009 WTF, D&D!? Role Playing Fine Art Contest!
Zack: Steve, it's contest day!
Steve: Yay! Contest daaaay! Yaaaaay!
Zack: Tell everybody the rules of our contest.
Steve: I thought you were going to do that. I think I can.Zack: Go ahead.
Steve: Uh, it was about Rifts. And they had to roll on a chart. And then it started a couple weeks ago and finished on a Wednesday. And they had to do a thing to win your book. I remember your book. Everything we do now is about your book.
Zack: Close! The 2009 WTF, D&D!? Role Playing Fine Art Contest invited all SA Forums Members to roll up a Japanese Demon on a chart from the back of the Rifts Japan World Book. Participants needed to include a brief description of their demon and some sort of visual rendering.
Steve: They had to draw a picture of a randomly rolled monster. And I said I'd give bonus points if it included hot babes and barbarians and awesome action and space ships and summer fun.
Zack: Yes! Well, mostly, yes! And we're giving out all the wonderful prizes today. I've got Steve's very own copy of the First Edition Monster Manual for our second place winner along with many autographed copies of my books for the poor saps who don't win the grand prize.
Steve: What's the grand prize!?
Steve: WOW! I wish I could have won this contest. Oh, wait, that's right! You wouldn't let me enter. Which is unfair. And possibly illegal against my rights.
Zack: I will check my copy of the Constitution and get back to you on that one. But first, let's take a look at the entries we loved that didn't quite win any prizes.
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.