Hey folks, the Goldmine is back and better than ever! Forums Goon Kaf recently took some time to reminisce about his childhood, and he asked us to share our wacky and irrational beliefs and ideas we once held with his own. In response, several goons threw together youthful enthusiasm and colorful ideas like it was kindergarten and fingerpainting all over again.

The result was one of the most hilarious and heartwarming MSPaint threads the Something Awful forums has ever seen. Kids may say the darndest things, but it takes a Goon to bring real humor to the Comedy Goldmine.


We were born simple, innocent creatures. Having spent just a few years on this cold, cruel, unfeeling rock we call Earth, we hadn't yet lived long enough to realize how things truly work, and our natural ideas about life were naïve and unchallenged.

This was Ace McStud's idea of true happiness, and, to be honest, a lot of men never really grow out of it.

I'm sure we all used to think like brickt..

Decapod73's dad is a quick one.

Asile2's toilet paper fairy — I think my roommate senior year in college believed in her too.

Lilosh must have had awesome parents.

What are you getting at, telescopebuilder? This is completely logical.

Here's hoping Waffnuffly's friendship never lands on a deserted island.

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

About This Column

The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.