For some reason my2k seems to be disturbed by the thought of his son growing up to become one of France's most respected gourmet chefs.

No punishment that Mystery Steve could inflict upon his child could ever compare to the psychological scars left by ordering the lad to wear Larry King-style suspenders.

Judging by the following three contributions, Ominous Fingers spends a lot of time thinking about the wonders of becoming a parent and the fun times that go with the responsibility of raising a son or daughter.

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Lair Flair!

    Lair Flair!

    Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!

  • SkyMall Product Review: Bark Deterring Ultrasonic Collar

    SkyMall Product Review: Bark Deterring Ultrasonic Collar

    Works great on my child, who hasn't barked at all for as long as she's worn the apparatus. When she turns three, we will remove it for a trial period.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.