BOO! Hello, boys and ghouls! Since it's Halloween today, I've prepared a spooktacular Comedy Goldmine for you all - a collection of one sentence horror stories from the fine people of the Something Awful Forums! [Note to self: Hey dipshit, make sure to double check it's actually Halloween before publishing. And definitely make sure you've spelled "spectacular" correctly before you embarrass yourself once again]
the man looked down in shock at the blood pouring from a nasty papercut
sadly, the ranch dressing the girl had put on her salad was actually Lite Ranch , and her life flashed before her eyes.
After swallowing that first bite of his sandwich he looked and saw a half-eaten foot sticking out of his 12 inch sub among the lettuce; he hadn't ordered lettuce.
50 minutes until her flight starts boarding... 20% battery... and $1.60 equivalent in the local currency.
For sale: baby shoes, partially eaten.
baby shoes: i bought these because i was trying to show off to my girlfriend how small my feet are and ive been consumed in my world-invalidating obsession to cram my feet into these tiny fucking baby shoes
with a slight motion of his hands, he appeared to remove and then reattach his thumb repeatedly
One firm tug brought a dozen wire hangers out of the bag, tangled together like a hateful cocoon.
baby shoes: there was a misunderstanding these are actually adult shoes and my baby wore them and he started tromping around and frying eggs on the stove and going to work
"its your turn" says your wife as you get up in the middle of the night to console the crying baby shoes
Willy Wonka just hired you to make his factory OSHA compliant.
Republicans announce that all legislation must be voted on at 2am in a secret chamber, with no one but the lobbyists who write the bills seeing a single line of text. Democrats' Response: Stumbling around a field stepping on rakes, handles smashing them directly in their faces every single time.
There is a witch hunt going on right now and I promise you that you will not find any witches in the pleasure room in my congressional office.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
Buy three Epic Loot Crates for only $7.99, get a free fourth loot crate for only $2.99!
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.