Near the dawn of 2015, General Mills foretold the arrival of a mysterious new cereal. The SA Goons stared into the hole in their Cheerios + Ancient Grains and reported on the abyss that stared back!
gary oldmans diary
has anyone else noticed strange things happening since cheerios + ancient grains was released? strange voices, walls seeming to twist and distort, that sort of thing. is general mills meddling with forces they couldnt possibly comprehend?
could these ancient grains be taken from sites holy to forgotten gods? who knows what horrors could be unleashed
"... these eldritch grains filled me with the most unspeakable dread. What secrets did they hold, within that Cyclopean container of stiff cardboard and well-designed packaging? Taking a deep breath, I steeled myself against the unknown, and opened the box..." - HP Lovecraft, The Grain from Out of Space, 1923
Went looking for Cheerios + Ancient Grains at my local supermarket, but when I tried to take some off the shelf, I discovered what I'd initially taken to be a row of boxes was just an impossibly detailed false-depth painting. I went to complain to the manager but after yelling at him for several minutes I discovered he was just a painting as well!
Not a fan of this new ad campaign or whatever it is.
Yeah my store pulled that one on me too, classic Rest assured, if you check your pantry you will find your box, made just for you, waiting for you invitingly
The nutritional information on this box just says "Contains that which is necessary." How am I supposed to know if this has gluten in it?
The dark, unfathomable terror contained in the box of cereals consumed my soul and drove my mind into madness
"Don't you get it? What we have to understand is it's them or us. It can't be all of us, or one. It's got to be us, or they become it. Then we lose what makes us we."
Expert analysis on the few things your cat likes and the many things it hates.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.