Awful Link of the Day

Awful Media

The Saint Cloud Superman

Thursday, October 24, 2002 Update by Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka

The Saint Cloud Superman, submitted by David. Just yesterday a man approached me on the street and held a gun to my head. He shrieked, "tell me how you feel about Saint Cloud, Minnesota, or else I'll blow us all to hell!" I replied, "well Saint Cloud, Minnesota is definitely a wonderful and exciting town, but I can't help but feel there's something... missing from the city. You know, like SUPERMAN." I was then pistol whipped and blacked out; when I woke up, both my wallet and pants were missing. While that part of my life has been lost forever, I am proud to now know that my dreams of a superhero in Saint Cloud, Minnesota have finally come to fruition. The Saint Cloud Superman is some highly retarded individual who dons the costume of Superman and, instead of fighting crime and protecting the innocent, shows up at various Dairy Queens throughout Saint Cloud. I'm not kidding.

"St. Cloud Superman" is a man named John. He has been making scattered apperances around town, nearly every day for the past year. He stands on the street corners, dressed as Superman, cape and all, waving at traffic... sometimes carrying signs, sometimes waving a flag. You never know when or where he will pop up. His 2 favorite places seem to be the Dairy Queen Corner on 25th and Division Street, and also around St. Cloud State University Campus.

Emily's Superman Encounter: I'm in my car by the DQ waiting for the light to change, when all of a sudden I see this guy with a superman costume.

Yup, that's correct, Superman hangs out at Dairy Queen and waves to people. That's all he does... oh, how our hero standards have fallen. Next thing you know Batman will be giving out handjobs at the Crystal Car Wash.

- Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka