Retro SWAT 3
Zack: "Hey Chet, looking greasy today." "Thanks Marc, hey want to go hang out in a log cabin? Sure!"
Dr. Thorpe: The most disturbing thing is that the guy on the right is wearing slacks and a tie under that thing. Even back in the seventies, can you imagine showing up at the office with a silly crocheted cardigan? Your boss would just give you that "get out" look.
Zack: It's like Mr. Roger's sweater has been tye-died by a cold and uncaring hippie computer.
Dr. Thorpe: The man on the left is really frightening. He looks like he lost his face in an accident and they created a new one with leather and silly putty and then put some huge hair over it to cover the seams.
Zack: I think that he's just wearing the William Shatner mask from Halloween that has been covered with bronzer to make it seem lifelike. Obviously a failed attempt. There's something childishly mischievous about these two guys though. Their grins, their poses, their garish sweaters; whatever it is they seem like they're about to trick someone into whitewashing that fence behind them so that they can go skip stones.
Dr. Thorpe: If you look really closely you can see that the sweater-vest is called "Dark Shadows." I think that instead of skipping stones they're going to go try out for bit parts on ultra-low-budget vampire soap operas.
Zack: That makes sense. That guy on the left looks like he was made for that creepy poorly-lit video they used back then.
Dr. Thorpe: It's easy to imagine the sickening slurp when he pops that face off and puts it on his nightstand at the end of the day.
Zack: That #206 sticker up in the corner is making me suspect that this might have been entered into evidence somewhere.
Dr. Thorpe: Oh wait just a goddamn minute! Do you remember those Calvin Klein ads with the underage kids in the creepy wood-paneled rec rooms, and the guys in the background would say "do you work out? take your shirt off." These are those guys in the background.
Zack: That follows with the evidence sticker. This might be the very photo that got these two convicted.
Dr. Thorpe: We've looked through a magic portal to the other side of the creepy Calvin Klein ads. I feel like I've just had a sickening epiphany.
Zack: It's like walking in on your parents having sex or realizing that red food coloring is made from beetle wings.
Dr. Thorpe: Or maybe that feeling is just me getting dizzy from looking at the "Blue Skies" cardigan.
Zack: Warning: sweater may cause vertigo.
Dr. Thorpe: They both look like the sort of manly baritone pop singers that were popular back then. They were masculine but a little bit effete, and they sang songs about tiny bubbles in their wine and had names like Englebert Humperdinck.
