Zack:Those sweatpants didn't meet the ski lodge's dress code so they made her wear the courtesy mop on the slopes.

Dr. Thorpe:It's like they were a little late with the Winter Collection and were scrambling to add just one more design, so they said "let's just cut up this chicken suit and hope nobody notices what it is."

Zack:That poor dog on the cover of Odelay jumped right over the fence and onto this woman's back.

Dr. Thorpe:Sending her into a deep, snowy depression that not even Beck's wacky grooves could cure.

Zack:IIIII want to defy, the logic of all color wheels. She doesn't know it but if she gets spotted by the wrong Laplander she's going to get stabbed with a sharpened reindeer antler for wearing their gang colors.

Dr. Thorpe:This looks like some sort of folksy traditional garb from a country that doesn't exist (luckily).

Zack:I think it actually is based on Laplander clothing.

Dr. Thorpe:Well fuck Lapland then.

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About This Column

Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.

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