President Calderon Announces Dam of Waste Water from USA Mines: "Selenium Tailings Will Power Our Shanties."

Miracle? Virgin Mary Face Spotted Inside Virgin Mary Face Already Appearing in Tree

Mexican Army Colonel Mendez Promoted to Major General by Cartel

Medical Vending Machines in Border Cities to Sell Antibiotics, Questionable Surgeries

200m Mountain of Incorrect Winner Super Bowl T-shirts Still Burning In Jaguar Habitat

Thousands of Dead, Oil-coated Turtles Washing Ashore in Cancun Unrelated to BP Oil Rig

Fears of Socialism Prompt USA to Consider Bailout of South American Right Wing Guerrilla Groups

Market Report: 100 Peso Note Less Valuable Than Photocopy of 100 Peso Note

USA Border Trooper Guns Down Teen Caught Whistling Across Border Fence

Chiapas Governor Signs Law Demanding Papers from Guatemalan Illegals Trying to Sneak Through Mexico Into USA Ahead of Mexicans

Entire Japanese Consulate Staff in Mexico City Kidnapped and Ransomed

Grisly Discovery: At Least 20 Dead Soldiers Hidden Inside Abandoned Chihuahua Governor's Palace

Cartel Promises to Behead Whoever Wins Ciudad Juarez Mayoral Election

Experts Predict "Chicago Way" Failure if All Police Are Sent to Morgue

Rival Gang Violence: Cartel Gang War Erupts on Army Base

"Violence Must Stop," Visiting Pope Given Papal Balaclava to Conceal Identity and Protect Vatican From Retribution

Pastry War Avenged: Mexico Crushes France 2-0 in World Cup Bringing Shame and Humiliation to French and Reducing Them to Less Than Neutered Dogs

Bull Celebrates Stirring Triumph Over Matador By Being Immediately Killed With Swords

NFL to Consider 2010 Game in Mexico City if Machete Murders Can Be Chopped By 10%

Amor Gigante, Herve! Sweeps 2010 Telenovela Awards

Si, Sexo! Host Shakeup: Wiggling Bombshell Falling Out of Dress to Be Replaced With Slightly Blonder Wiggling Bombshell Falling Out of Dress

Incredible Machismo of El Hombre del Sexo Duro! star Andrés García Impregnates Dozens of Virgins Through TV Screen

USA Superstar Actor Robert Beltran (Star of Big Love, Star Trek) to Appear in Thirty Episodes of Historia de Fuego del Amor!

- Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)