On Monday I posted an update explaining that some users on the SA Forums who are particularly adept with the 3D rendering program Poser had created a madcap series of images devoted to the mental degeneration of Captain America. True to my word, and because that update only got two negative e-mails among a large number of positives, I am now posting the second and final installment of Twilight of the Idols. Thanks once again go out to Atomo, CitrusFrog, Scar Trek, and BuddhaKitten, as well as the good people at Sturk Wurk who created the Captain America model for Poser.
While Captain America was recovering from his run-in with mother nature, his best buddy Batman was on the prowl. Batman had apparently been bitten by the same bug that got ahold of the good Captain, and he was taking a very loose interpretation of the law into his own hands.
Captain America's super powers allowed him to recover quickly from his injuries and he returned home. As he walked through the door he was treated to the scandalous sight of his adopted son Samuel engaging in a bit of skullduggery with the neighbor girl. Captain America acted quickly!
With Samuel taken care of he next had to care for his adopted daughter Ruth. He had been out in the woods for almost a full twenty-four hours, so after a quick diaper change he sat her down for a nutritious meal. Captain America enjoys playing mister mom more than ever before!
With the kids both "tucked in" to bed, Captain America invited fellow crime fighter Batman over for a little party. They had thrown some wild parties in the past, but their newly discovered wild side created one of the most outrageous party atmospheres in human history.
Feeling rejuvenated by the good times shared with his friend, Captain America set out to do a little shopping with the aid of a flying contraption borrowed from the Dark Knight.
Captain "Mommy" America was never one to pass up a chance at getting the inside scoop on some good gossip. Now that his morals had flown the coop he was able to go to horrifying lengths to get to this scuttlebutt.
A powerful hero has a powerful appetite, and nothing can fill a hero up like eating long johns while posing as a police officer. Unfortunately, some obscure piece of shit tried to rain on Captain America's parade while in line to purchase donuts.
Low-level crop dusting was just one of a number of new talents the Captain was discovering had been lying dormant within his patriotic breast all these years.
Despite his newfound skills, the Captain still took time out of his busy schedule to go on surveillance operations.
When he wasn't fighting crime or dusting crops, Captain America worked with his olympic figure skating partner Adolph Hitler. He was the perfectionist and Hitler was the wild creative genius behind their routines.
Things really seemed to be coming up roses for Captain America, but like all stars it was inevitable that he would fall. One summer night, broke and desperate, he disguised his identity by inserting his head into a baby and attempted to rob a bank.
As he escaped with the money he was stopped in the parking lot by good friend Batman. The tables had turned. Batman had experienced a magical return to his crime-fighting ways, and was not about to stand by and watch his friend trounce on the American Way.
Being defeated by Batman and his superior babyskates, Captain America was sent to a quiet and therapeutic home for the criminally insane. There he was destined to live out his days.
I hope you enjoyed the second and final installment of the Twilight of the Idols series! Who knows, perhaps Atomo and company will feel motivated in the near future and produce an entirely new adventure for Captain America. I would hold my breath, but I smoke a lot and can only hold it for about as long as it takes me to exhale.
Today is Photoshop Phriday Day!
On a routine expedition, the crew of this week's Phriday ended up getting hopelessly lost in a valley that can only be described as a valley of the lost. Thankfully we ran into a newsstand, got some magazines, and found our way back home. Get ready, because we brought back the best selection of prehistoric magazines you'll ever see!
Read this week's Phriday! It's more savage than that time Spock reverted back to the old Vulcan ways and tried to eat Kirk!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
What's Something Awful?
Something Awful has been mocking itself and the internet since 1999, bringing you reviews of the worst movies, video games, and websites to ever exist. If it's something and it's awful, it's probably on Something Awful, where the internet makes you stupid.
Today is Photoshop Phriday Day!
Something Awful has been mocking itself and the internet since 1999, bringing you reviews of the worst movies, video games, and websites to ever exist. If it's something and it's awful, it's probably on Something Awful, where the internet makes you stupid.
