Your Bandicoot Sucks II

If dolphins are so smart, why have I eaten so many of them?

They say cockroaches will be the only creatures to survive a nuclear war. I say we need bigger bombs.

The moose is nature's Canadian.

Nobody would pay any attention to a big ugly overgrown amoeba, so the jellyfish was like, "hey, I know, let's hurt people for no reason."

Can you think of anything useful a goat does that some other animal doesn't do better, and with a lot less attitude?

Next time you're marveling at the majesty of a peacock in bloom, just remind yourself that it basically has a huge boner right now.

Sea anemones are like worst-case scenarios of what alien genitals might look like.

Ask someone what worms are good for, and I bet you ten bucks they'll come up with some half-baked crap about plants and the ecosystem.

Did you know that the ladybug is neither a lady nor a bug?Or, shit, I don't know, maybe it's a bug.

Somebody get that chicken a fucking sandwich.

Special thanks to Zack Parsons for contributing a few animal insults after I ran out of ideas!

– Dr. David Thorpe (@Arr)