If dolphins are so smart, why have I eaten so many of them?
They say cockroaches will be the only creatures to survive a nuclear war. I say we need bigger bombs.
The moose is nature's Canadian.
Nobody would pay any attention to a big ugly overgrown amoeba, so the jellyfish was like, "hey, I know, let's hurt people for no reason."
Can you think of anything useful a goat does that some other animal doesn't do better, and with a lot less attitude?
Next time you're marveling at the majesty of a peacock in bloom, just remind yourself that it basically has a huge boner right now.
Sea anemones are like worst-case scenarios of what alien genitals might look like.
Ask someone what worms are good for, and I bet you ten bucks they'll come up with some half-baked crap about plants and the ecosystem.
Did you know that the ladybug is neither a lady nor a bug?Or, shit, I don't know, maybe it's a bug.
Somebody get that chicken a fucking sandwich.
Special thanks to Zack Parsons for contributing a few animal insults after I ran out of ideas!
Ask any cowboy and they'll tell you: The deadliest snake in the wild west is Lava-Filled Hole Shaped Exactly Like A Cowboy Silhouette
Garfield is a poison of bigotry on our culture and I have never been more offended on behalf of people than I am right now.
Ben Garrison's Cartoons are finally explained!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.