Lobsters are so hideous that the person who discovered that they're edible was either desperate or crazy (or maybe so terrified that he just started biting the thing).
Hey raccoon. Washing garbage before you eat it doesn't make it not garbage.
If pigs are so smart, why haven't they sorted out their PR issues?
Wasps love picnics and I love a cool drink of cream soda that stings the roof of my mouth.
The rattlesnake is nature's landmine.
Anyone who's ever playedOregon Trailcan tell you why bison nearly went extinct: killing them was the only fun part of the American West.
Vultures are pigeons that escaped from Silent Hill.
Sure, parrots are cool, but you can teach kids to swear too, and they'll stop screaming and pooping indiscriminately after a couple of years.
Snails are just M&Ms for ducks.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.