Lobsters are so hideous that the person who discovered that they're edible was either desperate or crazy (or maybe so terrified that he just started biting the thing).
Hey raccoon. Washing garbage before you eat it doesn't make it not garbage.
If pigs are so smart, why haven't they sorted out their PR issues?
Wasps love picnics and I love a cool drink of cream soda that stings the roof of my mouth.
The rattlesnake is nature's landmine.
Anyone who's ever playedOregon Trailcan tell you why bison nearly went extinct: killing them was the only fun part of the American West.
Vultures are pigeons that escaped from Silent Hill.
Sure, parrots are cool, but you can teach kids to swear too, and they'll stop screaming and pooping indiscriminately after a couple of years.
Snails are just M&Ms for ducks.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.