Lobsters are so hideous that the person who discovered that they're edible was either desperate or crazy (or maybe so terrified that he just started biting the thing).


Hey raccoon. Washing garbage before you eat it doesn't make it not garbage.


If pigs are so smart, why haven't they sorted out their PR issues?


Wasps love picnics and I love a cool drink of cream soda that stings the roof of my mouth.


The rattlesnake is nature's landmine.


Anyone who's ever playedOregon Trailcan tell you why bison nearly went extinct: killing them was the only fun part of the American West.


Vultures are pigeons that escaped from Silent Hill.


Sure, parrots are cool, but you can teach kids to swear too, and they'll stop screaming and pooping indiscriminately after a couple of years.


Snails are just M&Ms for ducks.

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.

  • Helping Your Real Friends Move

    Helping Your Real Friends Move

    A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.