Oh, just what I needed. A flying garbage bag. Thanks, God.

 

Have you ever heard of a walrus with friends?

 

Everyone thinks the giant squid is really elusive, but maybe scientists just never photograph them because they're ugly as hell.

 

I like how bats share their name with the most sporting way to destroy them.

 

Pet dogs kill more people every year than mountain lions have in the whole history of theUnited States, which means they both suck at their jobs.

 

The possum is one animal that hasn't been threatened by human encroachment, since its natural habitat is under tires.

 

If only we could breed turkeys directly onto our plates and skip that terrifying phase where they're alive and chasing us around the petting zoo because they're huge and angry.

 

Chimps are hairy babies who never get smarter and can tear off your hands.

 

If shrimp lived in trees, a truck would come around and spray for them.

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