January 15, 2013
The moon used to be cool but now its like a big floating piece of shit I fuckin hate it
- The Prez (@Perfect_Beanis) September 23, 2010
I don’t believe in cops, so they can’t “arrest“ me. Whatever that means. *continues jump kicking and jump punching a Kia soul*
- O (@bIoach) January 15, 2013
Is this mom ?
- Cher(@cher) January 4, 2013
car wash big man. big man thru car was.hcan car wash be used on big man. can big man survive car washj. does car wash clean big man. #Bing
- wint (@dril) January 14, 2013
a 80s movie style montage of me trying on different condoms and my bros keep shaking their heads
- deg (@degg) January 13, 2013
Not sure how this ended up in my "design inspiration" folder. twitter.com/avocadobravado…
- Rose (@avocadobravado) January 12, 2013
there are 23 year olds now who were born when their parents got horny watching elaine heavy episodes of seinfeld
- Tony homo (@BevisSimpson) January 11, 2013
Bad credit? NO credit? Credit? Bad? Are you bad? No life? Model trains? Do you spend Friday nights playing with model trains?
- GENERAL GANDHI (@Bro_Pair) January 11, 2013
Some farts were made to be heard-yeah that's right, I "make" farts-can't handle it? It's called life--must be this tall to RIDE
- Kathy Salerno (@Kpartyawesome) January 10, 2013
Typical of Hollywood to change one letter in my screenplay & pawn it off as their own. Anyway I'm still making Gangster Squid.
- Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) January 9, 2013
- Hannah (@hannerzs) January 6, 2013
The jerk store called? But, that jerk store burned down ten years ago... on this very night
- ''Steve'' (@extranapkins) January 3, 2013
Jennifer Aniston, you are so HOT, I'm ready for you ! twitter.com/sunstar60680/s…
- Airo Maki-Sun (@sunstar60680) January 7, 2013
Come cuddle. Bring pizza and Diet Dr Pepper and a small dog.
- Louis Peitzman (@LouisPeitzman) January 6, 2013
a horse walks into a bar. an elephant walks into a library. a lion walks into a hospital. it’s been five years since the last human vanished
- adam (@adamochoa) January 6, 2013
Sup RT @cuteboy4566: @kingsthings Sup
- Larry King(@kingsthings) September 3, 2012
The difference between me and rare earth magnets is I hug the fridge by choice.
- Adam Wilson (@theleanover) January 10, 2013
I love sex :)sexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsex _________________________sexsexsexsexsex twitpic.com/bsbrnr
- Airo Maki-Sun (@AiroMakiSun) January 4, 2013
To all the people on the Wii U Miiverse Tvii community boards who saw my drawing of a penis with hairy balls +my twitter handle: welcome
- Cannonball Titcomb (@thatsnotkosher) January 15, 2013
i am grunting and sweaty trying like hell to put a condom onto my balls as my nude lady friend sighs and starts putting her clothes back on
- Cool Niceman (@dogboner) January 15, 2013
"Sounds to me like you need less ANIME and more PLAN-IME." - cool guidance counselor
- DC Pierson (@DCpierson) January 15, 2013
Referring to me as "adorkable" would probably be the easiest way to never get in my pants.
- Jennifer L. (@TheFearBoners) January 14, 2013
*gazes at laptop screen*avoids making eye contact with own reflection*
- Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) January 14, 2013
"puppies" is an ok term i guess, but as a scientist, i only call them "baby dogs"
- the blowout (@theblowout) January 13, 2013
I can still fit in my Mom's wedding dress.
- Dan Duvall (@lazerdoov) January 13, 2013
hey phone what do you mean twitter is not responding did i hook up with twitter or something
- lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) January 12, 2013
by law of averages, somebody's last words were "space jam"
- GENERAL GANDHI (@Bro_Pair) January 12, 2013
So I guess before they mastered fire cavemen just ate cookie dough
- Greg (@weedguy420boner) January 12, 2013
Now hold on there, pardner. You callin' me a "cowboy" perpetuates the binary gender myth and sticks in my craw mighty fierce.
- Josh (@Livestock) January 11, 2013
i am ready to fuck i.imm.io/JjAc.jpeg
- Cool Niceman (@dogboner) October 26, 2012
-
