Today's update is my last Comedy Goldmine article. I've come down with an incurable case of occupational overtime and Lowtax has been nice enough to let me go on indefinite sick leave to combat it. Mine is a far kinder - though far less spectacular - exit than that of my predecessor Russ, whom as you will recall died peacefully in his sleep crushed by his ceiling and walls.
I'd like to thank all of the forums goons who contributed some really great material. Some of their threads that I profiled - The Last Days of Capitalism comes to mind - were some of the funniest and most creative things I've ever read anywhere. However much I make fun of it for being filled with narcissistic and creepy manchildren I really do think these are the best forums on the web.
There was some really great content that I was never able to feature in the Goldmine, either because the format didn't work or there wasn't quite enough material to drive a whole article. So here are some links that you should click on if you want to giggle like a loon:
Actually, since the Roll Call Rap - where lil raphandz took a picture of a bunch of Internet tough guys at their anime club meeting and made a rap of it - is amazing I'm going to close with a music video of that. That's it! Bye!
A thousand years ago, dudes were dying from splinters, but now the wizard potion that cleans our light wounds costs less than a Dr. Pepper in 1994. I love this medicinal 7up.
U2 and Apple have conspired to place a U2 album into your music in the year 2014. You own a U2 album. And you can't get rid of it.
Ron Paul spins in his chair, trying to grab his decorative antique musket but Freddy gets it first.
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!