1981's Fiend Folio was the abysmal result of a failed merger between TSR and UK publisher Games Workshop. The majority of the monsters contained in the book are taken from the pages of White Dwarf, a gaming magazine still being published by GW. Whatever the original source of the monsters, TSR ultimately published Fiend Folio. It is their fault the world was subjected to a D&D monster book so bad it made Gary Gygax complain about random encounter tables. That's the D&D equivalent of making Cookie Monster sick of chocolate chips or Stephen Hawking sick of galaxies or orbits or whatever it is he likes.
Zack: Here it is, folks. You can stop emailing about Fiend Folio.
Steve: The cover is way more accurate about the contents of the book than any of the other Monster Manuals: lots of spindly skeleton creatures.
Zack: That thing on the cover is not even close to being the stupidest thing in this book.
Steve: Aw, come on, Fiend Folio is a classic.
Zack: Hotel California is a classic. The Third Man is a classic. This is an aberration.Steve: This is 1st Edition. They didn't introduce creature types until 3rd Edition.
Zack: Yuck. Can you imagine how nasty stick 'em mummy here is going to look by the time some adventurers come across him? He's going to look like a peppermint fished out of the world's grossest pocket.
Steve: I don't think he would be that bad.
Zack: What? He's living double-sided tape. About an hour of shuffling around a dungeon or a cave and he'd be covered in bats and skulls and otyughs. By definition ancient ruins are full of debris.
Steve: Yeah, but it says his voluntary secretions will break the adhesion.
Zack: So, what, he goes and stands in the corner all ashamed like a toddler filling the diaper? Squirts out some body juice and all the scrolls and wigs stuck to him fall off?
Steve: That's what it says. How else would he live otherwise? He'd just Katamari around a dungeon until he had every trap and treasure chest stuck to his body.
Zack: That would be a pretty efficient way for a party to complete a dungeon. Just release one of these guys into the place and sit around waiting for him to boomerang back with everything of interest stuck to his cum sock body.
Steve: He's only semi intelligent though, so he'd probably set off all kinds of traps and get himself killed.
Zack: Wait a second...he's semi intelligent, yet he's lawful evil. Does that mean Gorilla Tape is lawful evil?
After years of being misunderstood, I had hoped we finally had "our" story. I was wrong.
He had a yellow inflatable tube around his waist, the kind with a comical duck head. There was a tiny fish in one of his hands, and a trident in the other. In the background a squirrel wearing shades was water skiing.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.