Zack: What is this frog man's problem? He keeps flashing me...is my turn signal still on?
Steve: Maybe there is a kobold in the back seat of your car and he's just trying to warn you!
Zack: Jesus, pass me already, asshole.
Steve: This would be another one of those monsters that would be pretty good to have around. Not only would he light your way, but he'd blind everything he looked at.
Zack: Yeah, be my guest. You're the one that can traipse around a cave hunting for a frog that blinds you for five minutes if he literally so much as looks at you. Then when you find him you can throw a leash around a 4' tall evil frog man that can blind you at any moment and you train that angry little bright eyes shit to not blind you all the time.
Steve: You could just hold up a mirror like with Medusa.
Zack: I don't even know what that means, Steve.
Steve: Medusa? Perseus with the mirror and her eye beam hits it and bounces back and she gets turned to stone?
Zack: Yeah, I remember the myth. What I don't remember is the part where Perseus throws a collar around Medusa and adventures with her into dungeons or uses her instead of a kiln.
Steve: I mean that happened a long time ago so there could be holes in the historical record.
Zack: No. No, Medusa isn't real. There's no historical record.
Steve: You know what I mean.
Zack: Basically never.
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.