Zack: Eat your heart out, every video game ever. Fiend Folio just took spider monsters to the next level.
Steve: More legs truly does equal more horror.
Zack: "We already have giant spiders and spider swarms and poison spiders and spider centaur dudes. I think we need to take it to the next level. All-legs spider."
Steve: Special attack is to get under your blanket when you're in bed and wait until right as you're about to fall asleep and then run out from under the blanket and scurry across your face.Zack: I was dropping sewer pigs in the boom bucket a couple days ago, reading a copy of the novelization of Smoking Aces, and a spider must have gotten into my hair. Right as I get to the part where there is a 28-page gunfight a spider runs across my glasses.
Steve: What did you do?
Zack: The only thing I could do: I died. I am dead. I am a ghost typing this.
Steve: You're not a ghost.
Zack: But you can't prove I'm not a ghost.
Steve: Well you can't prove I'M not a ghost.
Zack: Yes, I can, because all ghosts have the power to sense one another and I know you're not a ghost.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.