Zack: Eat your heart out, every video game ever. Fiend Folio just took spider monsters to the next level.

Steve: More legs truly does equal more horror.

Zack: "We already have giant spiders and spider swarms and poison spiders and spider centaur dudes. I think we need to take it to the next level. All-legs spider."

Steve: Special attack is to get under your blanket when you're in bed and wait until right as you're about to fall asleep and then run out from under the blanket and scurry across your face.

Zack: I was dropping sewer pigs in the boom bucket a couple days ago, reading a copy of the novelization of Smoking Aces, and a spider must have gotten into my hair. Right as I get to the part where there is a 28-page gunfight a spider runs across my glasses.

Steve: What did you do?

Zack: The only thing I could do: I died. I am dead. I am a ghost typing this.

Steve: You're not a ghost.

Zack: But you can't prove I'm not a ghost.

Steve: Well you can't prove I'M not a ghost.

Zack: Yes, I can, because all ghosts have the power to sense one another and I know you're not a ghost.

Steve: Ahhhhhh!

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    TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851



    Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.

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