Zack: "The king has ordered you to peruse the pictures of Flame Princess again."
Steve: I think I'll take the crossbow to the head.Zack: Now you're seeing things my way. It's a humane death. Clean, quick, just a THUNK sound and then darkness.
Steve: Thanks Flame Princess dude for being a weird creepy dude who turned me into a cynical butthead.
Zack: Yes, thanks James Edward Raggi IV, of the Horrornook Raggis, for sending us your game and introducing us to whoever the Flame Princess is, may she rest in peace.
Steve: I hope this doesn't start a trend of people sending in their creepy RPG supplements.Zack: That reminds me, if you are an RPG author, developer, or producer, and you would like us to review your product, please contact me or Steve. I can't promise we will be very nice.
Steve: We may be super nice, especially if your game is not at all about giant monster heads coming out of a babe's private area. Like if you sent us an RPG that was like "hot babes swimming and suntanning and doing karate moves topless to relax the RPG" we would give it great comments.
Zack: Does that mean you're soliciting copies of Anima: Beyond Fantasy?
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.