Zack: You and your companions set off across the countryside towards the last known location of Questlandia. It is a nice day.
Steve: I am wary of danger.
Zack: You encounter a bird chirping suspiciously. It looks to be a Blue Jay.
Steve: I command my henchmen to assail it with their magic as I creep closer in order to use my spear.
Zack: The bird begins calling you fat.
Steve: "Cease your unholy words, bird! I am not fat at all!"
Zack: Trebbelos the baby magician uses his ESP powers to determine the outcome of the battle. "You will lose this one, fatso!"
Steve: I hurl my spear through the bird's accursed breast.
Zack: The spear strikes the tree and sticks into its trunk. The bird flies to a different tree. You can hear it asking if you missed because your fat got in your eyes.
Steve: You win this one, bird, but mark my words, I will be back with more spears and greater ability to throw them.
Zack: The bird is unconvinced.
Steve: We continue on to Questlandia.
Zack: Soon you arrive outside a mountain fortress. As you enter, you see several dead adventurers, their bodies rotting, who have triggered traps and been killed.
Steve: This Joe Rogan is a trapper. What are his methods?
Zack: It appears he has planted dart traps that are laced with DMT, sending each adventurer on their internal death journey to a spiritual realm while their body is left to die. Also spike traps.
Steve: We continue on, but more cautious of mind-altering experiences.
Zack: You want to have your mind altered? Let's talk about the so-called moon landing.
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.