Zack: As you and the wizards approach the door there you feel a plate depress beneath your feet followed by a loud clanking sound behind and ahead of you. A portcullis has lowered on both sides, trapping you in the hallway.
Steve: Bah, no match for my gypsy strength!
Zack: It is way a match for your gypsy strength. You and Nikka try to bend bars and lift gates, but neither of you is strong enough.
Steve: I'm going to try to use my spear as a lever to force the portcullis up.
Zack: Your spear snaps.
Zack: What do you want to do?
Steve: I don't have any other ideas. What about the wizards?
Zack: They are joking about "Egg Jitsu" and laughing and won't tell you what that's about. "You wouldn't get it unless you were in Dumpadore's class, man," says Nikka.
Steve: So what, do we just wait around here for somebody to capture us?
Zack: You spend a day waiting in the trap. You drink your wineskin and the rest of your water.
Steve: Do the wizards have anything to drink?Zack: No, they keep begging you for some and annoying you. Another day passes and you're all really thirsty. Another day passes and you see the black widow spider crawling past. "Hey, what me to get you out, fatty?"
Steve: Even though I am humiliated by its insults, I will say yes.
Zack: "What, did that fat go to your brain? Spiders can't talk!" Nikka and the baby start laughing.
Steve: I'm going to start drinking the ESP potions.
Zack: It seems like a good idea, but every potion you drink makes you see yourself, in the future, thirstier, and then you realize that they are really salty.
Steve: So are me and the wizards just going to die trapped in this cage?
Zack: I don't know...ARE YOU??? Find out next week in the thrilling conclusion of In Search of the Unknown!Steve: It would be pretty lame if next week the article was just one page of me and the wizards dying of thirst.
Zack: We are lame though. I wouldn't put it past us.
Zack: Thanks! Everybody interested in Liminal States should Facebook us. We'll be giving away advance reader copies starting Monday. See you next week, folks!
And you thought women had one-dimensional script intros that treated them like sex objects. Ewoks have it even worse.
No one seems to like the new Doom box art. But it's still the same old Doom Guy under that space marine helmet. Right?
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.