Papa Bear

Tough bear!

Become this tough paper bear! Professional Alinco mascot costume.

  • Available as Pictured

Dr. Thorpenstein: What the fuck?

Zackula: I don't...

Zackula: I don't know...

Dr. Thorpenstein: I think the most disturbing thing about this is the description: "Available as Pictured."

Zackula: Does that mean they'll arrive at your house like this?

Dr. Thorpenstein: Horrorbear, flanked by his legless adult baby sex thugs.

Zackula: We joked around about the Trojan guy but this is no joke.

Zackula: This shit has got to stop.

Zackula: Mankind has gone too far.

Zackula: I always thought it would be bio-engineering or nanotechnology. Nuclear holocaust maybe. I never thought it would be Halloween costumes.

Zackula: God help us! Force these things into a big tank of liquid bleach and forget any of this ever happened.

Dr. Thorpenstein: I don't know if bleach kills Cenobites.

Zackula: Jesus wept.

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About This Column

Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.

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