Dr. Thorpe: Dregolas. Maybe Legolas has a loser cousin who shops at K-mart or something. He looks like he's wearing Viet Cong pajama pants.
Zack: You know, adult Halloween costumes are so unequal. On Halloween guys either get shitty movie or TV character costumes or some horrible joke costume like No Shit Sherlock. Women get all these insanely hot fetish costumes like vinyl hotpants FBI agents and nurses and those low-cut renfest dresses.
Dr. Thorpe: I'm sure girls would dig Legolas or Zorro costumes if they fit well and looked realistic, but they always look like dumpy polyester frocks.
Zack: Yeah, but women get to look their hottest on Halloween. Guys have to look like dorks or goofballs. Male Halloween costumes should all be like 3-piece suits. I mean it's usually so much effort for me to bother to put on a suit it feels like a Halloween costume.
Dr. Thorpe: If only they made a slot machine costume for men. Then we'd be in business.
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.