Well, I guess my luck has finally run out; I'm finally going to be murdered by, and due to, the internet.  I'd like to thank everybody who visited Something Awful and helped make it what it is today: a website that caused me to become a much more murdered person than I previously was.

This email, one of 189 received, was from a disgruntled individual who simply cannot determine the exact reason we banned him from the forums (I'll give you a hint: HE'S FUCKING NUTSO). After re-registering and getting re-banned what seems like several million times, he decided to begin contacting all the mods and admins (myself included), and notify us of his impending plans to murder and / or sue us all.  Again, this is completely rational and justified behavior on a comedy website.

Since I will soon become a murdered person, I decided to read and record one of my murderer's many eloquent and amazing messages.  I figured doing this would become a much more difficult task to accomplish after I'm dead, which is why I now present to you this Death Threat From the Internet.  And once again, thanks.

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@lowtax)

More Features / Articles

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.