The same place, about 40 feet away, and shot at a different angle. The boy from the last scene is walking across the beach, thinking to himself
Boy: I wonder where my father is. He left when I was only 1 and as a result I have had no guidance through my life, especially since my mother smokes crack and worships Satan. These strong issues are a problem that plagues not only me, but society in general, and I believe that if these concerns aren't faced soon, perhaps through a show involving various anorexic women playing with beach balls, our society will collapse.
(Suddenly World War II fighter jet falls on the boy. It explodes in a huge ball of flame. 10 seconds after it blows up, 2 guys jump out of the cockpit, unharmed, but pretty dirty and with ragged clothes. They walk away from the wreck, but when the tide comes in, the 3 inch high wave drags them into the sea)
Pilot #1: (Thrashing in the four feet of water) Help! I am a Japanese Pilot who grew up with an American family, and as a result I can speak perfect English!
Pilot #2: (In Japanese) I can't! (SUBTITLED: "I can't!")
(ISPA sweeps into the scene with a hanglider.)
ISPA: Quick! Hang on to my large breasts!
Pilots (in unison): OKAY!!! (They grab a fistful of implant and are whisked to safety)
ISPA: Whew! That was a close one! You know, Pilot #1, you remind me of a brother I once had, that my family adopted. He was Japanese too, and disappeared one day when our family went to the zoo.
Pilot #1: You mean the Charleston City Zoo?
ISPA: YES! How did you know...?
Pilot #1: I am your long lost brother!
ISPA: (Weeps) Oh!!! (They embrace)
(Suddenly a man in filthy rags comes walking out of the bushes in the background)
Man: ISPA? ISPA, is that you?
ISPA: Who are you?
Man: I am your long lost father, Biff! Every since that tragic day when you thought you lost me in aisle 5 of that FoodMax, I've been searching for you! I've been through hell and back, but my eternal love for you has kept me going through thick and thin!
ISPA: Oh dad! (She runs over and hugs him)
(Suddenly a hand pokes out from the sand, and a woman crawls from underneath the beach. She seems quite disoriented)
Woman: Where am I?
ISPA: MOM! I thought you died in that horrible blimp accident back in 1968!
Woman: (Frowning) Me too...
(Man, Woman, ISPA, and Pilot #1 all get together and hug)
ISPA: This is the happiest day of my life!
Pilot #2: (Pulls out hand grenade) GWAAHA AHL ROOOAWR! (Throws grenade at them. SUBTITLED: "Long live Japan!")
ISPA: Oh no! (Jumps onto grenade, smothering it with her incredibly large breasts. Grenade goes off with a muffled explosion, forcing an implant to slide up, around her shoulder area)
Man: Oh no! She's DEAD! (Camera pans down to ISPA, who is visibly breathing)
Woman: She gave her life to save her family!
Pilot #1: How very noble!
Man: She's DEAD!
(Suddenly a dirty horse comes trotting into the scene from the left)
Woman: Walker? Is that you? I thought we lost you in 1942!!!
Horse: (Shakes his head. Family runs over and hugs horse.)
Republicans announce that all legislation must be voted on at 2am in a secret chamber, with no one but the lobbyists who write the bills seeing a single line of text. Democrats' Response: Stumbling around a field stepping on rakes, handles smashing them directly in their faces every single time.
There is a witch hunt going on right now and I promise you that you will not find any witches in the pleasure room in my congressional office.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
Buy three Epic Loot Crates for only $7.99, get a free fourth loot crate for only $2.99!
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.