Steve Jobs, founder of NeXT, the genius inventor behind the Newton MessagePad and MacTV, innovator of blueberry and tangerine desktop computer colors, has lost his fight with pancreatic cancer. Jobs, age 56, revolutionized the world of computing by creating a device that translated handwriting into typed words. This same technology would later be used in Apple products like the iPad and iPhone to replace proper nouns with random words every time you try to search or type anything.
Jobs is perhaps best known for MacinTalk, the software program which allowed millions of teenagers to discover the joy of hearing a robot mispronounce "bitch pussy fucker." Steve Jobs is survived by Steve Wozniak, the lesser Steve, and leaves behind an austere, attractive and user-friendly family that cannot ever be upgraded. His black turtleneck will be retired to the rafters at Apple.
Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.
Did you know that you only use 10% of your brain? You may have heard that before. But what if you could use 100%? YOU CAN!
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
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