Steve Jobs, founder of NeXT, the genius inventor behind the Newton MessagePad and MacTV, innovator of blueberry and tangerine desktop computer colors, has lost his fight with pancreatic cancer. Jobs, age 56, revolutionized the world of computing by creating a device that translated handwriting into typed words. This same technology would later be used in Apple products like the iPad and iPhone to replace proper nouns with random words every time you try to search or type anything.
Jobs is perhaps best known for MacinTalk, the software program which allowed millions of teenagers to discover the joy of hearing a robot mispronounce "bitch pussy fucker." Steve Jobs is survived by Steve Wozniak, the lesser Steve, and leaves behind an austere, attractive and user-friendly family that cannot ever be upgraded. His black turtleneck will be retired to the rafters at Apple.
Welcome to Gamer Hell, where those who committed sins in online games must pay for their crimes against noobs for eternity.
Russian President Vladimir Putin has sworn to personally investigate the murder of opposition leader Boris Nemtsov. In fact, Putin plans to use his expertise to solve most major crimes.
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