Let's take a look at some of the more popular threads from nearly every forum on the Something Awful Forums, ending in 03-02-2007:
General Bullshit; a general discussion forum with everything from current events to painfully boring e/n threads. Forum representative: SpecialOlympian.
Tales of Violence: Bail Bonding and Methadone Clinic Stories - Unicorn Gangstaa discusses the practical applications of violence and its usefulness as a diplomatic tool for conflict resolution. A series of short stories about working at the titular jobs. It looks like Humper-Monkey has some competition in the "badasses with eyepatches" category.
Military stories thread - Elendil004 asks everyone to share their military stories. If the military terms are too confusing for you, skip to page 5 and read Humper-Monkey's miniseries about his deployment to Ghost Nazi Mountain.
Warren Ellis: "Sex is indivisible from Second Life. Now stop fucking cats" - Petey, who runs the Second Life Safari update, posts an interesting article by an angry Scotsman and answers your questions about SL. Great timing Petey, I just got my 5 year MMORPGAA chip.
I Was A Lesbian Rape Victim - CausalityJane shares with us one of the worst break ups she's ever had. And although the first four paragraphs read like a first-time lesbian erotica, the cab driver is not the rapist. Bet you can't guess who it is!
Lots of dirty bars in Mexico, and a dog. - JBarwick stops by to let us know he's still alive with his self explanatory title. For those unfamiliar with Jbarwick, he shares a little information about himself on page 2. Lucky bastard, the most interesting thing that happened to me in Mexico was that my Coca-Cola was served in a sandwich baggy.
I'm in the Band: Tales of being a rocker in Norman, Oklahoma. - Mach5 shares his college band stories. Ringo Starr gets turned down by a stripper, the Violent Femmes are selfish dicks, and somewhere in this great country there's a church literally stuffed with gay porn. Oklahoma is slightly more exciting than you think.
Knives, Whisky, Homoeroticism, Thanksgiving, and the Texas Flag - Spiny Norman shares the story of how his friends got drunk one night and did the stupidest shit they could think of. Somehow, nobody dies, and I'm pretty sure Marcel had no idea how close he was to being stabbed.
Faithmouse - Dan Lacey, author of the highly offensive Faithmouse comic, makes his debut in the SA forums. His beautifully rendered nightmares evoke mixed reactions. Imagine how you would feel if a known pedophile saved your child's life. It's that kind of inner conflict. NOT SAFE FOR WORK
Dan Lacey shares comics on pages 1, 3, 7, 11, 12, and 13.
Dan Lacey answers questions on pages 6, 11, and 12.
Dan Lacey shares photos of himself on page 12.
Lowtax surprises everyone on page 3 (answer on 6).
Ask / Tell. People will ask things. You can reply. People will tell you about things. You may read them. Pretty all-encompassing. THESE SOCKS? is here to serve you today's quick list.
Ask me about swinging! - Thunderchops makes an informative thread about the swinger's lifestyle and several other swinging goons show up to help answer questions.
Ask a Presidential Campaign Staffer! - Preppy Bastard details what it's like to be the man behind the man running for President.
Ask me about living with Multiple Personality Disorder. - Saint Witchdoctor posts a thread about having seven different people live inside of her. The thread quickly takes a turn for the hilarious.
Ask me about being the Token Black Guy. - Ever wonder what responsibilities come with being the only black person in a circle of friends? Vilout's here to inform you that it ain't easy, baby!
Tell me about giving oral pleasure to a man. - As you might have guessed by this point, Ask/Tell gets several threads about sex every week. You might just learn a thing or two in this thread by biro!
US Income Tax Questions MEGATHREAD Part 3 - With tax season just around the corner, furushotakeru volunteers his expertise as a professional tax preparer.
Post Your Favorite. Another general interest forum, this one where users may post, well threads about anything that is their favorite. Cars, desktops, women... whatever. Thank Zero Star!
PYF country based solely on its outline - As the name suggests, a thread for people to look through the atlas and pick their favorite nation based entirely on its shape. Number of posts it took for "Italy = boot" = ONE.
"Why is this on when we're doing it?" - Proof that goons not only have sex, but that they like to do it to Final Fantasy music.
PYF most conspicuous place you've had sexual relations. - As if the revelation that goons have sex wasn't shocking enough, some of them like to do it IN PUBLIC too!
Tell me your favorite joke - It's a joke thread! Everyone loves jokes! Especially the PYF goons, who have generated a vast heap of their favourite gags.
Post your favourite FYAD flag v2.0 - There are two types of people on this earth - those who "get" FYAD and those who don't. This thread showcases the bizarre yet strangely compelling artwork of those who fall into the former category.
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
The Something Awful Forums: the last bastion of sanity on the Internet. "Forum Fridays" glances at some of the most interesting and popular threads from nearly each forum, highlighting a handful of threads each week.