"I've never given much thought to how I would die, but dying in the place of someone I love seems like a good way to go." Alas, soon after our hero Bella uttered these words, she encountered the actual merchants of her death: Ne'er-do-well musicians who attempted to court her but, due to vile enchantment, could only speak lyrics from their fateful recent albums.
T-Pain, mounted on an elephant, approaches Bella.
T-Pain: "I'm the sex police, you have been arrested."
Bella, mumbling quietly: "I'm not scared of you."
T-Pain "Shawty, you ain't gotta be scared of me."
Bella: "I'm not afraid of you." *Punches him playfully*
T-Pain: "Girl, you're Mike Tyson, and I like it. I like your body. I get down on the dance floor. Bring your dancing shoes and something to tie your hair."
Brandon Flowers, a mysterious androgynous figure associated with "The Killers," interrupts, arriving in a suspiciously rapid fashion.
Brandon: "No one gives a damn about her hair. Are we human or are we dancer?"
Bella: "Dancing, not such a good idea for me. Can you at least try and act human?"
T-Pain: "I'm the phantom in your opera. Am I scaring your friend?"
Torn between her suitors, Bella allows both to present their strengths.
Brandon: "You know I'm fine"
T-Pain: "My dick is the shit Batman motherfucking slides down to change clothes and get in the Batmobile."
T-Pain takes Bella aside to show her his jewelry collection.
T-Pain: "You see my bling bling, check out the carats."
Bella nods politely, but indicates that she already owns a gaudy golden onion.
T-Pain: "I can put you in a log cabin."
Bella seems nonplussed.
T-Pain: "I would be the sunlight in your universe. You will think my love was really something good, baby."
Bella inquires if he'd like to list anything more tangible.
T-Pain: "I'd rather just say fuck you instead."
Bella: "Your mood swings are kinda giving me whiplash"
Brandon: "When your highs are low, joyride. Stumble in the TWILIGHT."
Bella: "So what you're saying is, I'm your brand of heroin?"
Brandon attempts to lead Bella away, but she recoils at his corpselike touch.
Brandon: "My hands are cold."
T-Pain: "I always thought the nigga was a vampire! Biting bitches, fresh bitches, biting hoes all in the neck, suckin' blood. I never understood that about these Dracula-type niggas, you know the bitch bleed once a month."
Bella falls in love with Brandon, but she isn't sure if she wants to become a vampire.
Brandon: "You think you might cross over, you're caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. You better look it over, before you make that leap."
T-Pain: "Bitch gotta make a decision. One dude, one lady, one sane, one crazy - sounds like a show to me!"
While pondering her plight, Bella hears knocking.
Brandon, looking through the peephole: "Demon's at the door."
Axl Rose: "I've got a wicked demon. His hunger never fades."
Axl sinks his teeth into Bella's arm.
Axl: "All the love in the world couldn't save you, all the innocence inside. I am inconquerable. I don't give a fuck 'bout them, 'cause I am crazy."
Brandon: "Just another white trash county kiss"
T-Pain: "Bite that shit. She screamin' like ahhhh, ahhhh!"
Brandon attempts to defend Bella, but Axl bites him as well.
Brandon, delirious with blood loss: "The star maker says it ain't so bad, the dream maker's gonna make you mad, the spaceman says 'everybody look down, it's all in your mind'"
Axl: "You're crazy. That's not stardust on my feet. Wish I had a gun."
T-Pain: "I'll turn every bullet to a Hershey's kiss, and we can eat away our fear."
Brandon, dying dramatically: "They took my blood. Take a number where the blood just barely dried. I don't wanna be damned, oh hell. My spirit moans, with a sacred pain. Goodnight, travel well."
Axl: "So bittersweet, this tragedy."
T-Pain: "The way that you look is tragic." *shoots Axl*
T-Pain: "Y'all niggas can die slowly. Three ate-up little white children."
Is the world ready for Staind By Me, St@nd By e-Me, and Crank 3: Stand By Me?
Finally: an advice column for the rest of us! (Who seek to enslave humanity.)
A Goon outs himself as a wizard and gets a warm reception from the rogues/rangers/paladins gallery!
Here are some cool music things, maybe u should check them out. And/or here are some terrible music things, maybe u should check them out if u like to laugh or maybe u should avoid them if u get really angry when u see something stupid.