Heather: what about you what do you look like?
Auron86: Im 6'1" pretty big guy but im really strong
Heather: I like a strong man :P
Auron86: ap erfect match!!
Heather: You're not black are you?
Auron86: nope im white
Heather: whew okay good
Auron86: lol dont like black people?
Heather: Not very much but they aren't as bad as Jews
Auron86: lol im totally white dont wory babby
Heather: That's reassurin, I can't stand to think I might be giving my secrets to those heeb vipers.
Auron86: u gonna tell me a secret??
Heather: Hmmm, maybe, I don't know if I trust you yet :P
Auron86: bnaby you can trust me
Heather: maybe later
Auron86: whatever u want baby your wish is my commans
Auron86: so what kind of music u like?
Heather: oh a little bit of everything
Auron86: lol havy metal?
Heather: awww that reminds me of my lil sis :(
Auron86: whats wrong???
Heather: she's just a little baby and last week she was sleeping in her crib and one of our ferrets got in the crib with her and chewed off her nose.
Heather: Yeah it was really horrible. I had to get it out from under the refrigerator with a broom, but it was all gnawed up and nasty.
Auron86: thats fucking crazy!!!
Heather: We have a lot of ferrets and daddy said he was gonna drown them all after that
Auron86: that is fucked up
Heather: put them in a bag and drown them and you know what I dont care
Auron86: so what did they do about her nose?
Heather: that's what reminded me. My mom tried to knit a nose with a little strap to go over her head, but it ended up my daddy made one out of tin and it sort of hooks in there to her skull-face
Auron86: im so sorry :(
Heather: I'm bringing the mood down, let's talk about something else.
Auron86: are u a virgin???
Heather: that's very forward!
Auron86: lol j/k
Heather: no it's okay, I am a virgin but I've done oral sex before
Auron86: mmm that sounds hot
Heather: I practiced a lot on a broom handle
Auron86: did u get splinters??
Heather: no silly it was plastic it was a swiffer and then I asked my minister about it and he let me try it on him
Auron86: OMFG! girl u are crazy
Heather: I've calmed down a lot I was only 9 when I did that
Auron86: ummmmm how old are u now?
Heather: I just turned 18 :D
Auron86: so ur legal
Auron86: Im 22 but I just wanted to make sure I wasnt in one of those tv shows I am not into kids
Heather: Kids have turned me off ever since my accident
Heather: long story, no biggie
Auron86: tell me
Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.
The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'
This ain't your daddy's globe...! .... or is it?!
Our Something Awful ICQ pranks target the worst and most idiotic folks on the Internet. Believe it or not, these ICQ pranks are all - unfortunately - real.