Heather: what about you what do you look like?
Auron86: Im 6'1" pretty big guy but im really strong
Heather: I like a strong man :P
Auron86: ap erfect match!!
Heather: You're not black are you?
Auron86: nope im white
Heather: whew okay good
Auron86: lol dont like black people?
Heather: Not very much but they aren't as bad as Jews
Auron86: lol im totally white dont wory babby
Heather: That's reassurin, I can't stand to think I might be giving my secrets to those heeb vipers.
Auron86: u gonna tell me a secret??
Heather: Hmmm, maybe, I don't know if I trust you yet :P
Auron86: bnaby you can trust me
Heather: maybe later
Auron86: whatever u want baby your wish is my commans
Auron86: so what kind of music u like?
Heather: oh a little bit of everything
Auron86: lol havy metal?
Heather: awww that reminds me of my lil sis :(
Auron86: whats wrong???
Heather: she's just a little baby and last week she was sleeping in her crib and one of our ferrets got in the crib with her and chewed off her nose.
Heather: Yeah it was really horrible. I had to get it out from under the refrigerator with a broom, but it was all gnawed up and nasty.
Auron86: thats fucking crazy!!!
Heather: We have a lot of ferrets and daddy said he was gonna drown them all after that
Auron86: that is fucked up
Heather: put them in a bag and drown them and you know what I dont care
Auron86: so what did they do about her nose?
Heather: that's what reminded me. My mom tried to knit a nose with a little strap to go over her head, but it ended up my daddy made one out of tin and it sort of hooks in there to her skull-face
Auron86: im so sorry :(
Heather: I'm bringing the mood down, let's talk about something else.
Auron86: are u a virgin???
Heather: that's very forward!
Auron86: lol j/k
Heather: no it's okay, I am a virgin but I've done oral sex before
Auron86: mmm that sounds hot
Heather: I practiced a lot on a broom handle
Auron86: did u get splinters??
Heather: no silly it was plastic it was a swiffer and then I asked my minister about it and he let me try it on him
Auron86: OMFG! girl u are crazy
Heather: I've calmed down a lot I was only 9 when I did that
Auron86: ummmmm how old are u now?
Heather: I just turned 18 :D
Auron86: so ur legal
Auron86: Im 22 but I just wanted to make sure I wasnt in one of those tv shows I am not into kids
Heather: Kids have turned me off ever since my accident
Heather: long story, no biggie
Auron86: tell me
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
It's just a little confusing, is all.
Our Something Awful ICQ pranks target the worst and most idiotic folks on the Internet. Believe it or not, these ICQ pranks are all - unfortunately - real.