Heather: Oh I just had a few too many hard lemonades at Kylie's party last summer and I hit a kid on his bike and was charged with vehicular manslaughter
Heather: I mean wtf was a 11 year old doing riding his bike at like midnight??? come on!
Heather: yeah, it sucked big time, they suspended my license and now I can't drive anywhere on my own. I've hated kids ever since.
Auron86: I guess so
Heather: so are you trying to seduce me Auron?
Auron86: u can call me brian
Auron86: and maybe ;P
Auron86: was that true about the kid?
Heather: Unfortunately it is true brian but I moved past it so forget that ancient history
Auron86: its okay we all make mistakes
Heather: Yeah, like filing my teeth
Auron86: what does that mean?
Heather: oh no big whoop y'all, I just filed my teeth down to points for a play I was in
Auron86: didn't that hurt?!?!
Heather: oh yeah a ton and it looks really scary right now if I smile but im gettin them capped
Auron86: do they get cavetes?
Heather: yeah, I got a really bad abscess in my jaw and had to go on anitbiotic and painkillers
Auron86: u ok now?
Heather: all better :D but i am addicted to painkillers now :(
Auron86: i done oxy before
Heather: yeah, it's a lot like oxy
Auron86: maybe we could hook up and do it together baby
Heather: I'd love that but fyi its morphine injections not oxy
Auron86: with a needle???
Heather: of course silly, like Sherlock Holmes
Auron86: maybe not then but you could still try out those skills from the broom handle ;D
Heather: lol you are so dirty, don't you worry about sin?
Auron86: baby im a sinner!!!
Auron86: i dont believe in the bible but if you do thats cool
Heather: I don't believe in Christianity but I am a dragon
Auron86: a dragon?
Heather: Oh yeah, y'all. I am a prismatic dragon from Tothor, an elder male named Surlakk.
Auron86: I thought you said you were a cheerleader
Heather: Definitely I am that too I am a changeling. I am connected to my dragon self by the crystal I wear around my neck and I can take the form of Surlakk when I need it.
Auron86: like do you pick when you change forms?
Heather: Usually, but if I feel like I'm in danger I sometimes change forms
Auron86: that is awesome
Heather: The last time I changed was when that bat bit me on my face
Auron86: lol what
Heather: Bat done got up in our attic and mom made me chase it out with the broom before it turned into an infestation
Auron86: did you get it?
Heather: yeah, I got it alright, right in the face! scratches and bites all over
Auron86: ouch :*(
Heather: hurt more when I realized I was coming down with a case of the rabies
Auron86: did the doctor give u a shot in ur cute butt?
Heather: no the thing with rabies is you got to just ride it out, I'm a couple days away from the worst of it
Auron86: uh well good luck
Heather: you know who jamie lee curtis is?
Heather: she's got this thing called testicular feminization and she looks just like a beautiful woman but she has testicles inside her
Heather: I have that same condition, but you can't tell or anything unless you palpate my perineum
******Auron86 has disconnected
Heather: but she's so beautiful!
Heather: didn't you see True Lies?
The CEO of Lobstero, makers of the expensive home Lobster System, responds to recent unfavorable headlines about hand-squeezing a lobster out of one of the company's Lobster Packs.
Should you call someone a Nazi? The answer will surprise you.
Our Something Awful ICQ pranks target the worst and most idiotic folks on the Internet. Believe it or not, these ICQ pranks are all - unfortunately - real.