Heather: Oh I just had a few too many hard lemonades at Kylie's party last summer and I hit a kid on his bike and was charged with vehicular manslaughter
Heather: I mean wtf was a 11 year old doing riding his bike at like midnight??? come on!
Heather: yeah, it sucked big time, they suspended my license and now I can't drive anywhere on my own. I've hated kids ever since.
Auron86: I guess so
Heather: so are you trying to seduce me Auron?
Auron86: u can call me brian
Auron86: and maybe ;P
Auron86: was that true about the kid?
Heather: Unfortunately it is true brian but I moved past it so forget that ancient history
Auron86: its okay we all make mistakes
Heather: Yeah, like filing my teeth
Auron86: what does that mean?
Heather: oh no big whoop y'all, I just filed my teeth down to points for a play I was in
Auron86: didn't that hurt?!?!
Heather: oh yeah a ton and it looks really scary right now if I smile but im gettin them capped
Auron86: do they get cavetes?
Heather: yeah, I got a really bad abscess in my jaw and had to go on anitbiotic and painkillers
Auron86: u ok now?
Heather: all better :D but i am addicted to painkillers now :(
Auron86: i done oxy before
Heather: yeah, it's a lot like oxy
Auron86: maybe we could hook up and do it together baby
Heather: I'd love that but fyi its morphine injections not oxy
Auron86: with a needle???
Heather: of course silly, like Sherlock Holmes
Auron86: maybe not then but you could still try out those skills from the broom handle ;D
Heather: lol you are so dirty, don't you worry about sin?
Auron86: baby im a sinner!!!
Auron86: i dont believe in the bible but if you do thats cool
Heather: I don't believe in Christianity but I am a dragon
Auron86: a dragon?
Heather: Oh yeah, y'all. I am a prismatic dragon from Tothor, an elder male named Surlakk.
Auron86: I thought you said you were a cheerleader
Heather: Definitely I am that too I am a changeling. I am connected to my dragon self by the crystal I wear around my neck and I can take the form of Surlakk when I need it.
Auron86: like do you pick when you change forms?
Heather: Usually, but if I feel like I'm in danger I sometimes change forms
Auron86: that is awesome
Heather: The last time I changed was when that bat bit me on my face
Auron86: lol what
Heather: Bat done got up in our attic and mom made me chase it out with the broom before it turned into an infestation
Auron86: did you get it?
Heather: yeah, I got it alright, right in the face! scratches and bites all over
Auron86: ouch :*(
Heather: hurt more when I realized I was coming down with a case of the rabies
Auron86: did the doctor give u a shot in ur cute butt?
Heather: no the thing with rabies is you got to just ride it out, I'm a couple days away from the worst of it
Auron86: uh well good luck
Heather: you know who jamie lee curtis is?
Heather: she's got this thing called testicular feminization and she looks just like a beautiful woman but she has testicles inside her
Heather: I have that same condition, but you can't tell or anything unless you palpate my perineum
******Auron86 has disconnected
Heather: but she's so beautiful!
Heather: didn't you see True Lies?
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
Our Something Awful ICQ pranks target the worst and most idiotic folks on the Internet. Believe it or not, these ICQ pranks are all - unfortunately - real.