EMROD: You are English?
Yoke: Right you are, luv. I'm an English gentleman.
EMROD: I really want to meet you England. Do you want to meet me?
Yoke: Whoa whow whoa slow down there! I don't know anything about you other than you can sure fill out a pair of acid washed capri jeans.
EMROD: I will answer question then.
Yoke: What time is it there in Russia?
EMROD: after eight
Yoke: okay lady I am bloody ready as hell to meet you
EMROD: I can handle the travel arranging
Yoke: That would be amazing. I'm so busy we just got another order from the Queen for 1,000 sacks of gravel for her army. With that many gravelsacks England will be unstoppable. Don't you want to get with a winner?
EMROD: o ha ha! Okay I need your CC#
Yoke: I feel like maybe we should plan out this trip a little more. I mean meeting you is going to be a major life event. I don't just want to push you down into the gravel pit and choke you like with all the other missing brides.
EMROD: That's a good idea! I like movies and dancing.
Yoke: Do you like choking?
EMROD: ha ha no! do you know how to dance?
Yoke: I don't know how to not dance.
EMROD: maybe u can learn ill teach you :D
Yoke: Sounds good. I'll teach you about the rock breaker we use at the gravel plant. Shreds 200 stone of solid granite in minutes. You should see what it does to 8 and a half stone of solid bride.
EMROD: sounds impresive
Yoke: it sounds like the devil's growl
EMROD: okay ill need your cc# to start booking my flights
Yoke: I want to chew off your fingers and toes while you're still alive
Yoke: I will use you as my toilet
Yoke: Is there any upper limit to how many brides I can order at one time?
EMROD: no I need your cc# though
Yoke: Could I subscribe to the brides? Maybe one every three months as I need them or double if I am really going through them in a hurry.
EMROD: need your cc# to supcribe
Yoke: Do you think your skeleton will dissolve in acid?
EMROD: do you have a cc# you can give me? visa or mastercard
Yoke: Really? You're still with me on this one?
Yoke: I want to MURDER AND EAT YOU and MELT YOUR BONES
EMROD: cc# please thank you
Yoke: I am beaten
Yoke: O, I die, Horatio
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
Our Something Awful ICQ pranks target the worst and most idiotic folks on the Internet. Believe it or not, these ICQ pranks are all - unfortunately - real.