stevie - yeah you did, look on your history!

Lowtax - Hmmm... I guess I did. Sorry, must've passed out for a second and hit my head on the keyboard! I got a few concussions, and I sometimes pass out for a few seconds. Sorry, pardner!

stevie - why do people throw bottles at your heads?

Lowtax - It's a Texas tradition! Don't yall know nothin' about Texas?

stevie - I'm from England, I don't know much about Texas.

Lowtax - Don't yall get ESPN 5? We're on after "Backyard Wrasslin' Bonanza"!

stevie - no, we don't get that channel. Do you get a lot of money for this?

Lowtax - Yeah, I paid for my wife with the money I earned from winning "The San Antonio Salad Toss" last year!

stevie - You bought your wife???

Lowtax - Yeah, but just one of 'em. The other two I gots on my own!

stevie - you have three wifes???

Lowtax - Yeah, nothing's wrong with that! Can't you have multiple wives wherever you live?

stevie - huh?

Lowtax - What?

stevie - no, what?

Lowtax - Huh?

stevie - your only supposed to have one wife!

Lowtax - Nah, not down here. Cindy, the blonde, gets on my nerves when I go out drinkin'. See, I get all jumpy when I'm liquored up, I start hoppin' and rotating all over the place like a crazy nut after a few shots, and Cindy got mad at me for that.

stevie - well, everybody drinks. That shouldnt be a big deal, I guess.

Lowtax - I know!!! That's what I told her! But one day after I picked her up from the hospital, she was still mad because I got drunk and dropped plaster on her head.

stevie - hmm!

Lowtax - It was an accident though! Me and Spermy Joe were repainting the attic!

stevie - oh, that sounds unreasonable of her then!

Lowtax - EXACTLY! So after I threw the plaster at her, I pushed her into the cornfield and me and Spermy Joe tried to run her down with the tractor!

stevie - what???

Lowtax - Huh?

stevie - no, what did you do?

Lowtax - What?

stevie - you tried to run her over with the tractor?

Lowtax - Oh, yeah, I do that sometimes. She asks me to, because she's getting a little fat and needs to exercise. Me, I work out by practicing for next month's "Big Texas Monsters of Rodeo" on ESPN 7. I gotta work up my resistance to mule poison or else I'm gonna get my ass kicked during the "Tuscaloosa Fornication" event!

stevie - what about your other wifes? Aren't they jelous?

Lowtax - Well, Beth gets jealous sometimes. She says I spend too much time at work and working out and shit, beating on shit and stuff, and she's worried that IOH{ASFPIH$)*Y@JKLuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

stevie - what?

More Pranks [ICQ]

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.