It seems I have not used this feature in some time. I shall remedy that with more frequent updates, as well as plenty of chatlogs with the popular Internet personality Tom "Moof" Davies.
Livestock: hey tom listen
Livestock: gonna let you in on a little secret
Moof: hehehehe ok
Livestock: if you pet one dog in front of another dog, the other dog will want to get petted too
Moof: hehe yes
Livestock: it's called Boruff's Constant
Moof: what is it equal to, josh
Livestock: equal to having to pet two dogs
Moof: that is not a constant, josh
Moof: maybe you are thinking of Boruff's Fourth Law
Livestock: TOM DOGS DO IT CONSTANTLY
Livestock: THUS IT IS A CONSTANT
Moof: JOSH THEY DO NOT
Moof: josh if a tree falls onto a dog in a forest with no one else around was the tree just trying to pet the dog??
Livestock: tom that would imply a tree has motives and desires
Livestock: that a tree has ambition
Livestock: a tree has none of these things. a tree merely has drive.
Livestock: and it is automatic
Livestock: like a car
Livestock: that is why trees rarely shift gears
Livestock: tom i say to you: i have bested thee
Moof: i love yogurt
Moof: a superfood
Livestock: tom dogs are not a superfood but i think we can agree they are a superfriend
Moof: WE CAN AGREE 100%
Note: this chatlog takes place during the Winter Times we recently emerged from.
Moof: looks like it will get to above freezing on saturday
Moof: 38 degrees!!
Livestock: a real scorcher in the big apple
Livestock: no sign of relief in sight
Moof: looking forward to drinking that water
Livestock: what water
Moof: half a bottle of dasani
Moof: josh it has been solid ice since november
Livestock: should be pretty ripe
Moof: just sitting there in my cup holder
Livestock: a whole bottle??
Moof: already had some of it before it froze
Moof: looks like tomorrow though i might be able to enjoy the rest of it
Moof: really looking forward to getting my money's worth
Moof: would hate to have to return it to the store
Moof: get my money back
Livestock: tom you could take it in and microwave it
Moof: josh i dont want to irradiate it
Moof: i wont take that chance
Livestock: tom boil it?
Livestock: tom listen i'm just saying
Livestock: you haven't exhausted every option
Livestock: the candle of hope hasn't gone dark just yet
Livestock: its wax still stands in solemn support of the wick
Moof: my apartment is not below freezing
Moof: so i could just take it inside
Moof: but i refuse to
Moof: i bought that water to drink in my car
Livestock: tom i understand that it is car water
Livestock: you can warm it up indoors then go back to your car
Livestock: an idea
Livestock: take your car into the garage
Livestock: close the garage door
Livestock: keep the car running for a good couple hours
Livestock: with the heater going
Livestock: should warm that water up real good
Moof: josh i i just wish i could drink it
Moof: you know
Livestock: i know tom
Livestock: i know
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Moof and Livestock discuss life, love, human nature, and all the most important issues affecting humanity.