Perfect Strangers with Tom "Moof" Davies

Moof: You can come over if you want
Moof: I get the keys a week on Wednesday :)
Livestock: Moof, I will come live with you and you me and your girlfriend will watch movies and have a great time.
Moof: Okay :)
Moof: Until the end of July I will be paying rent on both places
Moof: It will be like having a summer home
Livestock: And sometimes Moof I will cry and I will scream and damage your apartment but it will be okay because I'm just going through some changes
Moof: That I can visit on weekends
Moof: It's okay
Livestock: And sometimes Moof I will cut myself and bleed on your furniture
Moof: I understand
Moof: It will be okay
Livestock: Moof I will invite friends over and we will shoot up heroin
Livestock: And sometimes, Moof, men might die in your house
Livestock: Because there is nothing left for them in this world
Moof: It will be okay
Livestock: Moof I will be the best roommate ever!
Livestock: Moof I don't much care for cats! If you have a cat I might poison it
Moof: Don't worry I don't and even if I did and you poisoned it it would be okay
Moof: Because of the changes
Livestock: Moof, I'm going to breed rare birds in your apartment
Livestock: I don't like cages because they limit the aspirations of the birds
Livestock: So there will just be birds all over the place
Livestock: And I will try to get them to mate and have babies
Livestock: And maybe I will sell them and chip in for the rent
Moof: It's okay
Moof: Will you really chip in for rent?
Livestock: I won't have a room of my own so I feel I don't owe as much as you, so maybe $4 or $5 every month.
Moof: You can have the closet

And now we are married and living in Canada.

– Josh "Livestock" Boruff (@Livestock)

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