#7 Legler Barn Museum
Barn enthusiasts with the modest hope that the Legler Barn Museum will encompass the rich history of barns should prepare themselves for disappointment. The Legler Barn Museum is a museum devoted to a barn.
This permanent exhibit tells the story of the stone barn Adam Legler built along the Santa Fe Trail.
This isn't even technically the original Legler Barn. It was originally built in 1864 and then reconstructed in a different location in 1983. Guided tours are available in case you're worried about getting lost climbing the ladder to look in the hayloft.
#6 The Dan Quayle Center
Includes an exhibit of artifacts covering all vice presidents, but the star attraction is the Quayle Vice Presidential Gallery. This exhibit "follows the life of Vice President James Danforth Quayle from birth through his current pursuits." Sections in the gallery, and your likely reactions to those sections, include:
Meeting Marilyn - "Oh, I thought he met Marilyn Monroe or something."
Vice Presidential Years - "It says here he was acting President for nine minutes when Secret Service lost track of George H.W. Bush in a corn field."
Relationship With the Media - "I wish we were at the Murphy Brown museum."
The Dedication of His Vice Presidential Sculpture - "Hey, was that Applebees at the exit we took to get here?"
#5 The Mustard Museum
Mount Horeb, Wisconsin
The Mustard Museum's website claims over 4,900 mustards from 50 states and 60 countries, a collection of vintage mustard advertisements, and mustards of historical importance.
What, do they have the mustard Hitler used in his secret egg salad recipe? Nein!
This operation is just a front to funnel tourists into the mustard-themed gift shop. It's a good thing they sell some mustard, because in the museum you aren't even allowed to stand close enough to read the labels. Hey, just be impressed by the total number of mustards, bro.
#4 The National Dairy Shrine
Fort Atkinson, Wisconsin
If you've had your fill of mustards then you should cruise on over to the National Dairy Shrine and chug a cool glass of boring. The Shrine promises, "The sights and sounds of dairy farming of the past, present and future."
That's right, Timmy, by the year 2070 cows will just be a brain-dead sac of milk-producing organs grown on a nutrient matrix and stored in racks in a refrigerated "fun barn".
The real gem of the Shrine's extensive gallery of dairy-related equipment is the world's largest collection of cattle inseminators. Drink up, kids!
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
It is said the Lord did write upon the sky, "Only the Most Awful shall be cataloged herein." And a wind did come and blow away the words and turn them into a skull. And the writers did fall upon their knees and give thanks, for yea, the Most Awful was good. Thus the lists were born. Read them, sons and daughters, and be strong.